The Other Three Agreements
Every Tuesday, I have a “Little Chat with Shannon” live stream in the 52 Cues Community. This topic was on my mind recently.
A hundred years ago when I last wrote you (that’s 2 weeks in modern time), I talked a bit about “The Four Agreements." It's a spiritual book from an indigenous perspective, and the insights in it are simply incredible. The author, Don Miguel Ruiz, explains that we make “agreements” (or ways of being) with ourselves and others based on what we've learned throughout our lives. These agreements can either uplift us or hold us back. And the four agreements mentioned in the book are practical and powerful.
Just to review quickly, the first agreement is to be “impeccable with your word.” Our words hold tremendous power, so it's crucial to use them wisely and positively. It’s about speaking kindly to ourselves and others.
I had a little personal struggle with this one recently! I was waking up fretting about some issues a client accidentally created for herself. I was annoyed! But to be impeccable with my word, I had to flip the script, realizing that she’s a great client and I love working with her—and everybody has bumps in the road from time to time. Much better, yes?
The second agreement is “don't take anything personally." I’ve always hated this phrase. If I’m going to be “a creative,” then my work is only good when I invest myself—personally—in my work. So I’ve always thought, YES! We should all be taking things personally.
The reality is that as people go through life, their words, reactions, and criticisms are often not really about me personally. It’s more likely that anyone at any time is going through something we don’t know about or understand. I’d extend this out to my whole life experience: “the universe” (or whatever you want to call the energy we live in) is not persecuting me personally when something goes wrong—and better yet, is often offering amazing opportunities to pretty much everybody! Once we realize this, it becomes easier to detach ourselves from negative encounters and not let them affect us personally.
The third agreement is “don't make assumptions." I think we all do this! In the absence of solid information, we tend to create worst-case scenarios in our minds. It's important to avoid making up stories and jumping to conclusions.
I had a friend who made assumptions about a proposal she made to a board of directors, simply because she didn't hear back from them immediately. She assumed that her proposal was not approved, and moreover it must be because “person” never liked her or believed in what she was doing. Sound familiar?
I advised her to check back in with her contact rather than make up stories about what happened and why. As I suspected, they had approved it right away with little discussion, and moved on with the meeting. It had slipped their collective mind to let her know. You see, the stories we make up can do real damage, so please seek clarity rather than filling in the gaps with fiction.
Lastly, the fourth agreement is to “always do your best.” It may sound like a kindergarten lesson, but it's a powerful reminder to be kind to ourselves. We always strive to do our best with the resources and knowledge we have at any given moment. So, let go of regrets and be at peace with the effort you've put in.
To sum up, these 4 simple concepts can make your life better:
Be impeccable with your word: speak kindly and truthfully about yourself and others, because our words are powerful.
Don’t take anything personally: most of the time, it’s not about you. Have empathy and respect for what others are going through, and know that their communication is often colored by circumstance and their own dysfunctional agreements.
Don’t make assumptions: believe the best about people and situations at all times. Most of the time, you’ll be right!
Always do your best: We are all doing what we discern to be good and right at any given time, based on information and resources available to us at that time. Don’t burden yourself with regret—simply rest in the fact that you did your best.
It’s a pleasure to share my thoughts with you! Thanks for reading.
This is what I’m currently reading:
“The Four Agreements”
CLICK HERE
This link takes you to Amazon. We’ll get a few cents if you purchase the book. And we’d never recommend anything that we don’t believe in!
